My Story of College, Mental Health, and Treatment

October 27, 2023 was not the day my life was over. It was the day my life truly began. 

For me, it was the day those closest to me fully realized that I was in desperate need of help. I wanted my life to be over. I thought I was beyond help, and I was too ashamed to ask. Shame was lying to me.

The darkness that closed in around me had come long before October 27, 2023, even though I can’t tell you exactly when it started. It was just there and despite having a therapist, being on medication, praying, and “counting it all joy”, I could not get it to go away. Those around me noticed I was struggling because I wasn’t going to class, my sleep schedule was messed up, and I was losing weight. Despite friends and family’s best efforts, my world kept getting darker.

When my family picked me up from Texas A&M, our plan included taking a break from school, receiving more therapy, and changing my meds. However, talking to professionals made it obvious that inpatient care was what I needed. Throughout the previous months, some people had told me that I was simply ungrateful and needed to have a better mindset; it wasn’t until the professionals stated that my battle was a medical/chemical imbalance and psychological condition that I realized I couldn’t heal without more intensive treatment. 

On October 31, I chose to admit myself to Compass, the inpatient young adult unit at the Menninger Clinic. Checking into a psychiatric hospital on Halloween was pretty ironic –  but that’s a story for another time. Inpatient care at Menninger was nothing like the horror stories that I had personally heard or that I had seen in the media – although it is true those places exist and I am fortunate to have had a choice as to where I went. In Compass, I wasn’t overmedicated to where I didn’t feel anything; I didn’t have to do anything against my will. I remained there for 6 weeks and I found hope for the first time in as long as I could remember. Compass included loving staff and peers that took a non-judgmental stance while getting me back on my feet.

After 6 weeks, my team and I decided that I was ready to begin the transition back into the real world. On December 11, 2023 I entered Menninger’s Pathfinder program. The Pathfinder program is intended to slowly and safely re-integrate patients into the world.  While in Pathfinder, I lived in an apartment in Houston with a roommate who was also in the program. Pathfinder was a big step from Compass because I gained more freedom but continued with group and individual therapy during the day. I also added college classes back into my life, began volunteering, and started figure skating again. 

Today, I live in my own apartment and have transferred to the University of Houston (Go Coogs!) and am studying psychology in hopes of one day being a Clinical Psychologist. Although I still have hard days, I live a life that I love experiencing. My time in the program didn’t give me a problem-free life, but helped me to handle my symptoms in a healthier manner.

While I was in treatment, I received multiple messages from people saying that seeing me take this step inspired them to seek help. Although I may not be able to reach everyone,  maybe my story can encourage a few others. Maybe hope and bravery are contagious – going to treatment was the scariest thing I have ever done, but ultimately it was the best way to keep me safe and help me heal. 

Throughout my time in both programs, I developed friendships with people who are also in recovery; hearing their stories showed me that I am not alone. My desire for this blog is to do the same for others. I hope you follow along (see below!) because there is power in sharing stories of hope and healing.